I don't know what's going on with me over the last few days but I feel so depressed. I get like this every few months or so and I tend to really centre on questioning my relationship and whether I should still be in it or not. I get to this stage where I am really miserable in it and I feel that I can't communicate it to him because I said all this stuff the last time it happened and nothing has changed. Please forgive me, readers, for sounding like a mega bitch but if I can't get it off my chest here, well heck, where can I?
Number 1 - Sex - so we haven't had sex in a week and a half mainly because when I've been in the mood its not appropriate or I haven't been in the mood. I haven't been in the mood since Friday, mainly because all day and night he was hanging shit on me and being a patronising git. I also haven't been enjoying it, I can't remember the last time I had an orgasm that I didn't give myself (I can't remember that either).
I'm over doing it out of wifely duty and when I told him this he said "well you should have told me" and expected me to drop my pants then and there. Now the guilt trips are coming thick and fast which makes my knees stick like glue.
Number 2 - Health - He doesn't take care of himself and this is a biggie for me, who's trying to do the best I can in this area. I don't care that he's not perfect but come on make some effort to improve the health issues that you have! It really makes me question if I want to breed with this man! And to be honest the thought of having his big belly on top of me or on my back does not make me want to rip his clothes off!! Don't even get me started on how often he brushes his teeth.
Number 3 - Socialising. We went to my cousin's for a BBQ yesterday and while the men were outside he sat next to me inside with all the wives and kids, talking to me only while I was trying to listen to the girly conversation. He even waited outside while I went to the loo and turned into Mr HaveaChat when we got in the car. I'm mortified to think what everyone was saying when we left!
So what is a girl to do! I think he might have mild depression or anxiety but trying to get him to a doctor will be a massive effort and I really don't know if I can be bothered to put it in. Someone once told me that men only make a change when something big happens and as for myself I keep thinking of that old saying...if you don't like something then change!!
So does that mean I move out? Do we call it a day? My flat is rented out until June, which means I'd have to rent something else until then (and I probably won't be able to have the cats which breaks my heart!). What do I do to make him get it?
PS - I do love him and I don't want to hurt him. But this isn't the life that I want to lead and I don't think I'm strong enough to make the call.