I have a problem with alcohol.
For some reason I don't want to say I have an alcohol problem.
My problem is not that I need to drink everyday, or that I miss work or appointments because of it. I function completely normally (well as normally as I can). In fact I can go weeks without it and most of the time I can have one or two and be happy.
But sometimes I binge drink, in fact I think I bring new meaning to phrase.
Once I start I just can't stop. No-once can tell me that I have had enough - that just incites me to drink more. Its like I just get caught up in the fun of the night and the buzz that alcohol gives me and there feels something tragic about having an empty glass. I know that I drink way too fast!
On these occasions I drink till I pass out and normally spend the first few hours of the morning spewing and groaning and farting and generally being a horrible smelly mess. Once I recover I spend the rest of the day apologising to my man and feeling like a loser.
Its a problem because its happened two weeks in a row now. I have to go to a party now and I'm anxious about the alcohol there.
I don't feel that I need AA but I do feel that I need to examine the behaviour that occurs before I get in to such a state.
I feel like shit and that everyone can tell I have this horrible secret. It's embarassing and humiliating and I'm sick of ruining my time off.