Yes I've had a name change, after just two days of "Iwillbehot" I decided to change my blog name to something that is more reflective of what I hope blogging will come to mean to me.
I've been reading through different blogs and have been inspired by blogs such as "I'm Just Linda" to use this medium to really share, to get deep and dirty and really work through the issues and crap that have led me to this state.
At my last meeting, one member (who'd lost 26 kgs) said she has just realised how shut down she was. That comment really hit home.
I'm known for being bright and bubbly, always happy, have a drink and make others feel good about themselves. And it's true I do coast along in life, I seemingly don't let things get to me and her comment made me realise that I actually do! I do feel deeply and there is a majorly sensitive side to me, I poke fun at myself and eat and drink to hide my feelings and I have created this fat suit as a layer of self-protection. Protection against people not liking me, not wanting me or leaving me - I can always say "It's because I'm fat" and avoid the possibility that (god forbid) we just don't click (just to clarify I don't just mean in the romantic sense) or that it's just the way life works out and their decision, words or actions had (shock horror) nothing to do with me!
PS - I just posted and removed my (Before) but took it down - I don't want to look at myself like that!! Come on Freud what does that say?